Moving on...

Alftavatn (Swan Lake), southern Icelandic higlands

Your man, Kelso, is leaving town for a couple of months. It is amazing how much crap needs to be sorted, how much excess stuff i have accumulated during the last couple of years here.

And i now appear to own two cars. How did that happen? Somehow, i purchased a ridiculous Landcruiser the other week. The most un-ecologically sound vehicle i can imagine. The only way i can deal with this, is by promising myself to convert it to veggie oil fuel as soon as i have the cash.


Which has left me totally skint and needing to sell my old piece of Russian motoring art, The Lada Sport, bloody fast. I have discovered that this is a car only desired by farmers living in the middle of nowhere. I have spoken with loads of them this week. I say 'spoken', but, as hardly any of them speak english and my icelandic, although a little improved, is not exactly up to car-sales patter, i have had to enlist the help of a couple of mates. It turns out that quite a few of them just want to have a bit of a chat about the old Lada they owned in the 70's. Or they want to swap their current old piece of crap for mine.

I'm relocating to a valley a couple of hours north of Reykjavik, to work on a farm, growing vegetables, building greenhouses and worrying sheep and horses. And i'm moving with my lover...

Mmmm. Sounds strange, still. It all happened very fast. But, then, life is there for the living. She's an amazing, strong, funny, beautiful girl. And she gives this old man loads of shit. Which is what he needs. But don't tell her any of this...

And, importantly, we are two of the most cynical people we know, so we have few expectations for the future. But we seem to have rather a lot of fun together. This is a 2 month thing, then we both head off to work in the highlands. Then? Who knows? We'll have to wait and see...

Destruction...

The following rant gives information about the imminent destruction of vast areas of Iceland's highland and coastal wilderness habitats. For more detailed (and coherent) information, visit Saving Iceland

In the last 20 or 30 years, Iceland has been dragged well and truly in to the First World, based on GDP at least. Fish have provided the wealth. People up here are rich now, when compared to most other countries.

But, in common with the rest of the world, they want to be richer. So, will this government use the creative minds of one of the planet's best educated populations to achieve this aim? Of course not. The Powers That Be, have decided to ruin Europe's last and greatest wilderness area with a policy of heavy industrialisation. Government policy could have been to develop new and wonderful business concepts, create new, innovative seats of learning in some of the remoter areas, or take advantage of the potential world-leading technological thinking that is evident up here.

But no, the big plan is now to build several huge, massively polluting aluminium smelters in some of the most beautiful fjords you will ever see. And, worse than this, is the impact on the pristine highland areas from the enormous electricity generating projects needed to supply the vast quantities of required power. And the best thing is that Iceland doesn't even contain any bauxite (aluminium ore). It is shipped a long, long way to be smelted using the electricity virtually given away by this generous nation.

There are currently only a couple of (relatively) small smelters in operation here. However, another pretty bloody huge one is currently under construction in the southeast fjord of Raudafjordur (i'm not going to bother with the Icelandic letters here as i know not many browsers handle them well..). The associated hydro-electric plant, also well under way, is currently and very successfully, fucking up one of the most incredible, pure wilderness areas in this world. The Karahnjukar gorge was flooded last autumn, following construction of Europe's largest rockfill dam.

It has gone now.

The resulting lake is flooding about 57 square km of unique sub-glacial heathland. But the real beauty is that the resulting changes in river drainage and the anticipated dust-bowl created as the lake gradually silts-up and dries out, will actually seriously impact around 3000 square km. I'll provide links soon for those of you more interested in these facts.

And this is just one project. Several more are planned. I've seen proposals to dam all of Iceland's main glacial rivers, and build geothermal plants in all of the main volcanic areas. These are the most incredible places i've ever been to. To stand on a mountain and gaze upon a volcanic and glacial wilderness, resembling the creation of this earth and to look in all directions and not see any evidence of man, is the most profound experience i know. I've seen the effect this has on even the hardest of individuals.

There are so few genuine wilderness areas left in this world. Why ruin this place? Icelanders don't need the jobs. The vast majority of workers building these projects are from overseas - Italians, Portuguese, Chinese and many others - all imported for a great deal cheaper rate than if the contractors used the natives. And the smelters will probably be mostly manned by foreign workers also. Polish, more than likely.

I've gone on enough now. Check out Saving Iceland. My blood is boiling, so i'm going for a walk to cool down. But before i go, it is important for us all to remember, wherever we are living, that we are only borrowing this world. It is not ours. We share it with thousands of other species. And it's not too late to halt the destruction of our remaining wilderness areas. I'm actually stopping moaning about this now and am going in to action...

Changes...

Yes, I know, your man has been a tad on the quiet side recently. This can be traced to several main factors (i believe that there is no ONE reason for anything - always a combination - but someone, of course, will prove me wrong, so bring it on...):

1. I've been working my nuts off, for a change, therefore, spare time is heavily prioritised; carnal pleasures, eating and sleeping taking top spots...

2. Internet access is difficult. My new abode still has no internet access and i work outside, so no access there...

3. Changes in personal and professional life seem to be affecting Kelso in stange ways...

4. The Six Nations rugby championship started the other week...

And other stuff, too complicated or seemingly irrelevant to list here.

I will not elaborate too much on these points. Life, for me, is changing fairly rapidly now. After much talk, i am finally getting my arse in to gear and starting my own guiding business. More about that in future blogs, no doubt. The guys at Volvo who invented the Lapplander truck, really should know how this vehicle's unreliability has affected my personal life recently... More on that, maybe, in the future.

But, for now, the one thing that i wish to bring to your attention, is the Destruction of the Icelandic highlands.

Bollocks! I have to get the hell out of the library now as its shutting. More, i hope, tomorrow.

Greetings...!

Photo of the day from Kelso...



A friend introduced me to a guy the other day. He was Icelandic, but the introduction was in english (yes, i know - i should have insisted on using my new, polished icelandic greeting phrases, but i didn't, ok?!). I said 'How's it going?'.

To which he replied, 'A lot better than i deserve to be!', spoken with a particularly fine and utterly contagious smirk. I always enjoy meeting people like this. They ignore the standard 'Fine, thanks', or 'Very well thank you, and you?'. Oh no, they want to make a statement, challenge you - 'to hell with convention!'. Fantastic.

A few friends from my former life, back in england, have this gift also. My old mucker, Dirty Lou, usually barks, or moos or makes some other farmyard-animal noise. I have witnessed him do this to all sorts of people and it leaves some a tad confused.

Myself? Well, i generally reply to the standard 'How are you', with short remarks, such as 'Radiant!' or 'Beautiful, thank you'. Unless, of course, i am feeling like crap. In which case, i have no problem with informing my unfortunate greeter of the grizzly details... Or, if in a particularly mischievous mood, i'll come back with 'What are you - a copper?'. This can really put a stranger on the back foot...

Back to the Icelandic class. This is proving a very interesting, amusing, fulfilling experience. The giggle-ometer has been pushed to it's limits in the last couple of weeks, which is the best way to learn i think. And, of course, there are Bloggers to be found wherever you go these days...

You have already seen Laurent, the scary Frenchman. Well, check out his blog Laurent Jegu He is not as bad as he appears, and he has some great photos and is a bit of a film-maker on the quiet. His latest masterpiece involves a frozen lake and two Frenchmen...

Then there is Mario, the Spanish buffoon. We were talking to him last night, about his (not unattractive) Icelandic girlfriend. Laurent said 'Your girlfriend, she is very good looking!'

'But of course!', came the spaniard's unabashed response. Priceless. Anyway, check him out at Entre Vikingos / Between Vikings - click on the british flag if your spanish isn't up to it.

Anyway, thats enough from Kelso. The weather is bloody marvellous again. Cold and clear, blue daytime skies, starry, Northern Light nights...
And You? How are You doing?

Views from The North...

A couple of photos for you, from a recent excursion to the southwest coast with Arna and Laurent. Do not be fooled by the first photo - they are actually quite similar in height. I'm sorry about the Frenchman - i've handed him over to the authorities, so he is no longer a danger to the public....

Kelso's Commandments...

Two reasons for Your Man's lack of recent blogactivity; 1. A distinct lack of Internet connection at my new house (hurry home Asta and lets sort this please!!!??); 2. Kelso has actually been busy (shock-horror!!).

Anyway, here is something i've been working on for a while. Its good to get things in perspective, occasionally...

Kelso's Commandments. An evolving, randomly ordered, set of life rules ...

1. Refuse that plastic bag from the shop assistant, unless you desperately need it. In other words, always carry a backpack. Don't buy food, or other goods, that have been needlessly over-packaged. Where does all the crap go? In the ground, thats where.

2. Do not suffer fools gladly. If someone is being an idiot, tell them. Hopefully, they'll get the idea, and do something about it. At the very least, they'll bugger-off.

3. Smile. Lots. If possible. Not so much that you find others usher their children away from you. Enough to make yourself and others, feel good.

4. Spend some time in the (so called) 3rd World. See how people live. It will open your eyes, mind and heart. The values of cooperation, friendliness, openness, compassion are to found by the truckload. People still have the time for each other; for friends or for strangers.

5. Remember - nothing is ever as bad as you think it is going to be... Well, almost nothing... Very little, anyway.

6. Get out of town! Spend as much time as possible in the countryside. Traffic jams, pollution, overcrowding and air conditioning are bad for you. Fact. Space, fresh air, beautiful vistas and peace are good for you. Fact. Makes sense to me.

7. Never diet. Never weigh yourself. Exercise regularly and eat good food. You will be healthy, you will feel good and, therefore, look good. Unless you are a complete minger, But then, at least you will be a fit, healthy minger.

8. Listen to your instincts. Western societies place too much emphasis on 'acting as you are supposed to', or 'doing the right thing'. If it feels right for you, do it. This goes for your career choice, choosing a lover, accepting help from a stranger. Anything. Most of us have lost touch with our instincts. We are but animals and its time we realised this.

9. Recycle as much as possible. If we all do something now, the world may just be livable in the future. I believe that mass recycling is only possible with government enforcement. Until that time, it is up to environment-minded individuals and organisations to push ahead.

10. If you've got something to do, do it now! If you put it off until later, there's a 95% probability it will remain undone... I speak from bitter experience...

11. 'You get what you pay for', is one of those old sayings that rings true. Don't buy it just because its cheap. By settling for the cheaper alternative, you know that it will either break soon or not really do what you want it to do. Unless, of course, it was free...

12. Be Completely Honest. With yourself, with others close to you. This is a crucial ingredient for any deep relationship to grow in to something truly lasting. I am only now coming to terms with this concept.

These are a work in progress, as indeed, i am... Is there anything that you live by? Keep it to one or two points, or the internet will be full...

Learning Icelandic...

I've made the decision to learn this bloody ridiculous language, once and for all. It will not beat me... Yes, following on from one previous failed attempt, back in 2004, Kelso, although suffering from a severe case of Lazyenglishbastarditisis, is now determined to start communicating in Icelandic.

The first class was last week. Your man was surprisingly nervous in the hours leading up to the lesson, in part due to fact that he had been signed up for an intermediate class. 'Will i be good enough?', was a phrase that kept tormenting me.
The nice lady in the school's office asked me a few questions in Icelandic, two of which i answered very wrongly. Yet, she congratulated me on my pronunciation of the word 'pizza'; 'Flott, David. Very Icelandic...'
'Oh dear', thought our budding linguist, 'this could be a long course'.

But, as for so much in life, these doubts proved groundless, eventually... I arrived for the first lesson, fashionably early, only to find the room packed. A cacophony of various languages filled the air, english being definitely in the minority.

As things settled down, it soon became clear that this was actually classes 2 and 3 combined. The teachers had got everyone together to sort 'the wheat from the chaff'. Luckily, Kelso managed to shine through as very chaffy indeed, so remains in class 2. Phew; some of those guys seemed to know more Icelandic than the teachers.

In that first lesson, i made a mistake that i am determined not to repeat. I sat, unknowingly, in the Polish quarter. Now, i normally have no problem being close to these fine people. But, i find that trying to decipher one, highly complex, heavily grammatical language is enough. Being surrounded by a quartet of Poles, all chattering away in another, equally bamboozling tongue, was just too much for me. It became apparent that one of the four had a pretty good level of Icelandic. The others didn't. So, in a fine example of teamwork, this fine Baltic lad was translating most of the teacher's words for his less able countrymen. Great for them. Nightmare for Kelso...

For lesson 2, i was sitting next to a Frenchman... But its not how you think!! Oh no, this is great. It is a guy i know from the summer; a barman from the hotel in Skaftafell, south Iceland. A fine lad. It is always important to know barmen. Even if they are French... Yes, this is going to be fun.

Do any of my fellow linguists out there have any advice for me, or just any ridiculous anecdotes to share? Drop by again sometime soon, to find out how Kelso's studies continue. An introduction to Icelandic is available at University of Iceland...